I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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