talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
grandma shit on top of the toilet
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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