marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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