we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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