The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
