Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
