I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
