She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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