Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
