Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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