two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
