My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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