he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
