My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
