Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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