his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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