I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
