No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
