well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
