Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize