nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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