but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
