DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
