the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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