I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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