well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize