Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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