his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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