your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
