I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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