he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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