I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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