Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
