im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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