guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
