you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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