I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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