So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
