I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He felt like a one man threesome
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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