I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
