My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
