why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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