I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
