put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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