dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
