I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
