If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
