you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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