I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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