I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
