She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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