I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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