Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
