i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
