I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
