Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
