ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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