Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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