Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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