I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
