This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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