I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Panties = found
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
