I'm going to jail i love you
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize