Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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