I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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