it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
