and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
