my soul wont recognize me after tonight
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
