He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
bring money and cleavage
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
