Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize