When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
